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哲理篇TheHelpfromtheGodAsmallvillagecameintoaverylargestormandfloodsbegantosubmergethewholevillage.Apriestprayedinthechurchwhenthefloodsubmergedhisknees.Lifeguardcametothechurchdrivingasampan Fathercomehereassoonaspossible!Otherwiseyouwilldrownintheflood!”Thepriestsaid No!IamconfidentthatGodwillsavemepleasegotosaveothers.”Butsoonthewaterrosetothepriestschestandthepriesthadtostandonthealtar.Atthistimeapolicedrovetothepriestwithaspeedboat Fatherhurryupotherwiseyouwillbedrowned!”Thepriestsaid NoIwouldliketokeepmychurch.IbelievethatGodwillsaveme.Youdbettertosaveothers.Afterawhilethefloodshavesubmergedtheentirechurch.ThepriesthadnochoicebuttofirmlygraspthetopoftheCrossChurch.Ahelicopterfliedoverslowlyandthepilotdroppedaropeladder”Fatherhurryupthisisthelastchance!nButthepriestsaid:NoIwouldliketokeepmychurch!Godwillsaveme.Thestubbornpriestwasfinallydrowned.IntheheaventhepriestaskedtheGodangrily”LordIdevotedmywholelifetoservingyouwhyyourefusetohelpme!”Godsaid ThefirsttimeIsentasampantorescueyoubutyoudidntgeton・Tthinkyouarenotsatisfiedwiththesampan;thesecondtimeIsentaspeedboatyourefuseitagain;thethirdtimeIsendahelicoptertorescueyoubutalsoyouareunwillingtoacceptit.ThereforeIthoughtyouwantedtocomebacktomyside/Infacttherearemanyobstaclesinlifechieflycomingfromourstubbornnessandignorance.Whenothersgiveusahanddonotforgetonlyweacceptitcantheyhelpus!!!GodsCoffeeAgroupofalumnihighlyestablishedintheircareersgottogethertovisittheiroldprofessor.Conversationsoonturnedintocomplaintsaboutstressinworkandlife.Theprofessorwenttothekitchenandreturnedwithalargepotofcoffeeandanassortmentofcups-porcelainplasticglasscrystalsomeplainlookingsomeexpensivesomeexquisite-tellingthemtohelpthemselves.Whenallthestudentshadacupofcoffeeinhandtheprofessorsaid:Ifyounoticedallthenicelookingexpensivecupsweretakenupwhiletheplainandcheaponesareleftonthetable.Itisnormalforyoutohaveonlythebestforyourselveswhichisthesourceofyourproblemsandstress.Beassuredthatthecupitselfaddsnoqualitytothecoffee.Inmostcasesitisjustmoreexpensiveandinsomecasesevenhideswhatwedrink.Whatallofyoureallywantedwascoffeenotthecupbutyouconsciouslywentforthebestcups...Andthenyoubeganeyeingeachotherscups.Nowconsiderthis:Lifeisthecoffee;thejobsmoneyandpositioninsocietyarethecups.TheyarejusttoolstoholdandcontainLifeandthetypeofcupwehavedoesnotdefinenorchangethequalityofLifewelive.SometimesbyconcentratingonlyonthecupwefailtoenjoythecoffeeGodhasprovidedus.”GodbrewsthecoffeenotthecupsEnjoyyourcoffee!Thehappiestpeopledonthavethebestofeverything.Theyjustmakethebestofeverything.Livesimply.Lovegenerously.Caredeeply.Speakkindly.LeavetheresttoGod.PebblesanddiamondsWhydowehavetolearnabouttheseuselessthingsThisiswhatteachershaveheardstudentscomplainaboutmostcommonly.Insuchcaseswemaytellthestudentssuchafable:Onenightagroupofnomadictribesofherdsmenwaspreparingtobreakcampallofasuddenabunchofbrightlightshrouded.TheyknewthatGodwouldbetheresothattheylookedforwardtogettingwishesfromGod.Godbegantospeak:Youhavetocollectalongthewayanumberofpebbles.Tomorrownightyouwillbeveryhappybutyoucanalsoberegretted/*ThenGoddisappeared.HerdsmenwereverydisappointedbecausetheywouldlookforwardtoGodtobringthemuntoldwealthandhealthandlongevitybuttheydidnotexpectthatGodhadtoldthemtodoallthesemeaninglessthings.HoweverinanycaseafterallthatwasGodswillalthoughthereweresomedissatisfactiontheywerestillpickingoversomestonesInthiswaytheytookadaywhennightfelltheycamped.Allofasuddentheyfoundthatallthepebblestheypickedhadturnedintodiamonds.Theyweredelightedatthesametimetheyfeltverysorryandregrettedthattheydidnotcollectmorepebbles.Nowwefeelthatknowledgeisuselesslikepebblesinthefuturetheymaybecomeendlesswealth.SandandStoneThestorygoesthattwofriendswerewalkingthroughthedesert.Duringsomepointofthejourneytheyhadanargumentandonefriendslappedtheotheroneintheface.Theonewhogotslappedwashurtbutwithoutsayinganythingwroteinthesand:Todaymybestfriendslappedmeintheface.1Theykeptonwalkinguntiltheyfoundanoasiswheretheydecidedtotakeabath.Theonewhohadbeenslappedgotstuckinthemireandstarteddrowningbutthefriendsavedhim.Afterherecoveredfromtheneardrowninghewroteonastone:nTodaymybestfriendsavedmylife.*ThefriendwhohadslappedandsavedhisbestfriendaskedhimnAfterIhurtyouyouwroteinthesandandnowyouwriteonastone.Why”Theotherfriendreplied:Whensomeonehurtsusweshouldwriteitdowninsandwherewindsofforgivenesscaneraseitaway.Butwhensomeonedoessomethinggoodforuswemustengraveitinstonewherenowindcanevereraseit.”TheNailTherewasalittleboywithabadtemper.Hisfathergavehimabagofnailsandtoldhimthateverytimehelosthistempertohammeranailinthebackfence.Thefirstdaytheboyhaddriven37nailsintothefence.Thenitgraduallydwindleddown.Hediscovereditwaseasiertoholdhistemperthantodrivethosenailsintothefence.Finallythedaycamewhentheboydidn*tlosehistemperatall.Hetoldhisfatheraboutitandthefathersuggestedthattheboynowpulloutonenailforeachdaythathewasabletoholdhistemper.Thedayspassedandtheyoungboywasfinallyabletotellhisfatherthatallthenailsweregone.Thefathertookhissonbythehandandledhimtothefence.HesaidnYouhavedonewellmysonbutlookattheholesinthefence.Thefencewillneverbethesame.Whenyousaythingsinangertheyleaveascarjustlikethisone.Youcanputaknifeinamananddrawitout.ItwontmatterhowmanytimesyousayImsorrythewoundisstillthere.Averbalwoundisasbadasaphysicalone.Friendsareaveryrarejewelindeed.Theymakeyousmileandencourageyoutosucceed.Theylendaneartheyshareawordofpraiseandtheyalwayswanttoopentheirheartstous.Showyourfriendshowmuchyoucare.FiveKeysinlifeInMay2001AmericanNevadastateMadisonmiddleschooPsentranceexaminationsetsuchatopic:OntheBillGatesdeskthereare5lockeddrawersrespectivelyrepresentingwealthinteresthappinesshonorandsuccess.Gatesalwaysonlyhaveonekeyandtheother4arelockedinthedrawers.WhichkeydoesGatestakeOneimmigratedmainlandstudenthadflusteredafterhesawthistopicbecausehedidnotknowwhetheritwasalanguagequestionoramathematicsone.Whenthetestfinishedheaskedhisguarantor.Thedirectortoldhimthattheanswerwasnotinthebooksandtherewerenostandardanswers.Themainlandstudentgot9points.Hedidntanswerthequestionbuttheteacherbelievedthatatleasthewashonest.AtlastweknowwhichkeyGatestakesinGates9writinginreplyforthisschool.WhatdoeshewriteTheletterreads:thesecretofyourlifeishidingbehindwhatyouareinterestedin.幽默篇AFineMatchOnedayaladysawamouserunningacrossherkitchenfloor.Shewasveryafraidofmousesosheranoutofthehousegotintoabusandwenttotheshops.Theresheboughtamousetrap.TheshopkeepersaidtohernPutsomecheeseinitandyouwillsooncatchthatmouse.1Theladywenthomewithhermousetrapbutwhenshelookedinhercupboardshecouldnotfindanycheeseinit.Shedidnotwanttogobacktotheshopbecauseitwasverylatesoshecutapictureofsomecheeseoutofamagazineandputthatinthetrap.Surprisinglythepictureofthecheesewasquitesuccessful!Whentheladycamedowntothekitchenthenextmorningshefoundapictureofamouseinthetrapbesidethepictureofthecheese!HeWasOnlyWrongbyTwoJackHawkinswasthefootballcoachatanAmerciancollegeandhewasalwaystryingtofindgoodplayersbuttheywerentalwayssmartenoughtobeacceptedbythecollege.Onedaythecoachbroughtanexcellentyoungplayertothedeanofthecollegeandaskedthatthestudentbeallowedtoenterwithoutanexamination.HWellHthedeansaidaftersomepersuasionIdbetteraskhimafewquestionsfirst.nThenheturnedtothestudentandaskedhimsomeveryeasyquestionsbutthestudentdidntknowanyoftheanswers.AtlastthedeansaidWellwhatsfivetimessevenThestudentthoughtforalongtimeandthenanswerednThirty-six.nThedeanthrewuphishandsandlookedatthecoachindespairbutthecoachsaidearnestlynOhpleaselethiminsir!Hewasonlywrongbytwo.NapoleonWasIllJackhadgonetotheuniversitytostudyhistorybutattheendofhisfirstyearhishistoryprofessorfailedhiminhisexaminationsandhewastoldthathewouldhavetoleavetheuniversity.HoweverhisfatherdecidedthathewouldgotoseetheprofessortourgehimtoletJackcontinuehisstudiesthefollowingyear.HesagoodboyjsaidJacksfatherMandifyoulethimpassthistimeFmsurehellimprovealotnextyearandpasstheexaminationsattheendofitreallywell.”NonothatsquiteimpossibleHrepliedtheprofessorimmediately.HDoyouknowlastmonthIaskedhimwhenNapoleonhaddiedhedidntknow!**PleasesirgivehimanotherchanceHsaidJacksfather.HYouseeImafraidwedonttakeanynewspaperinourhousesononeofusevenknowthatNapoleonwasill.nBeCarefulWhatYouWishForAcouplehadbeenmarriedfor25yearsandtheywerecelebratingtheir60thbirthdayswhichfellonthesameday.Duringthecelebrationafairyappearedandsaidthatbecausetheyhadbeensuchalovingcoupleforall25yearsshewouldgivethemonewisheach.Thewifewantedtotravelaroundtheworld.ThefairywavedherhandandBoom!Shehadtheticketsinherhand.Nextitwasthehusbandsturn.Hepausedforamomentthensaidshyly“WellFdliketohaveawoman30yearsyoungerthanme.”ThefairypickedupherwandandBoom!Hewasninety.MidwayTacticsThreecompetingstoreownersrentedadjoiningshopsinamall.Observerswaitedformayhemtoensue.TheretailerontherightputuphugesignssayingnGiganticSale!1andnSuperBargains!1ThestoreontheleftraisedbiggersignsproclaimingPricesSlashed!*andFantasticDiscounts!TheownerinthemiddlethenpreparedalargesignthatsimplystatednENTRANCEn.ThatmanknowsthefutureNasreddinwascuttingabranchofatreeinhisgarden.Whilehewassawinganothermanpassedinthestreet.Hestoppedandsaid*Excusemebutifyoucontinuetosawthatbranchlikethatyouwillfalldownwithit.HesaidthisbecauseNasreddinwassittingonthebranchandcuttingitataplacebetweenhimselfandthetrunkofthetree.Nasreddinsaidnothing.HethoughtThisissomefoolishpersonwhohasnoworktodoandgoesabouttellingotherpeoplewhattodoandwhatnottodo.Themancontinuedonhisway.OfcourseafterafewminutesthebranchfellandNasreddinfellwithit.MyGod!*hecried.Thatmanknowsthefuture!1andheranafterhimtoaskhowlonghewasgoingtolive.Butthemanhadgone.AGoodBoyLittleRobertaskedhismotherfortwocents.nWhatdidyoudowiththemoneyIgaveyouyesterdayIgaveittoapooroldwomannheanswered.“Youreagoodboy“saidthemotherproudly.Herearetwocentsmore.ButwhyareyousointerestedintheoldwomanSheistheonewhosellsthecandy.DrunkOnedayafatherandhislittlesonweregoinghome.Atthisagetheboywasinterestedinallkindsofthingsandwasalwaysaskingquestions.NowheaskednWhat*sthemeaningofthewordDrunk dad”“Wellmyson”hisfatherrepliedulooktherearestandingtwopolicemen.IfIregardthetwopolicemenasfourthenIamdrunk.Butdad11theboysaidTheresonlyONEpoliceman!HospitalityThehostessapologizedtoherunexpectedguestforservinganapple-piewithoutanycheese.Thelittleboyofthefamilylefttheroomquietlyforamomentandreturnedwithapieceofcheesewhichhelaidontheguestsplate.Thevisitorsmiledputthecheeseintohismouthandthensaid:Youmusthavebettereyesthanyourmothersonny.Wheredidyoufindthecheese11nIntherat-trapsirrepliedtheboy.HowmanychildrenwillIhaveFourbestfriendsmetatthehospitalsincetheirwivesweregivingbirthstotheirbabies.ThenursecomesuptothefirstmanandsaysCongratulationsyougottwins.ThemansaidHowstrangePmthemanagerofMinnesotaTwins.nAfterawhilethenursecomesuptothesecondmanandsaysCongratulationsyougottriplets.*ManwaslikeHmmmstrangeIworkedasadirectorforthe3musketeers.0FinallythenursecomesuptothethirdmanandsaysCongratulationsyougottwinsx
2.nManishappyandsaysIronicIworkforthehoteln4Seasons/AllthreeofthemarehappyuntiltheyseetheirlastbuddyjumpingallovertheplacecursingGodandbanginghisheadonthewall.TheyaskedhimwhatswrongandheansweredWhatswrongIworkfor7upn!YourenotgoingtomakeitGravelyillamanwenttothedoctorwithhiswife.Aftertheexaminationthephysicianmotionedforthewifetomeethiminthehallway.“Yourhusbandisverysickthedoctorsaidnbuttherearethreethingsyoucandotoensurehissurvival.Firstfixhimthreehealthfuldeliciousmealsaday.Nextgivehimastress-freeenvironmentanddontcomplainaboutanything.Finallymakepassionatelovetohimeveryday.OnthedrivehomethehusbandaskednWhatdidthedoctorsaynPmsorryshesaidnbutyourenotgoingtomakeit.AlawyersdogAlawyersdogrunningaboutunleashedbeelinesforabutchershopandstealsaroast.Butchergoestolawyersofficeandasks“ifadogrunningunleashedstealsapieceofmeatfrommystoredoIhavearighttodemandpaymentforthemeatfromthedogsowner”ThelawyeranswersuAbsolutely.“Thenyouoweme$
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50.Severaldayslaterthebutcheropensthemailandfindsanenvelopefromthelawyer:$20dueforaconsultation.TimetoapigOnedayavisitorfromthecitycametoasmallruralareatodrivearoundthecountryroadstoseehowthefarmslookedandperhapstoseehowfarmersearnedtheirliving.Thecitymansawafarmerinhisyardholdingapigupinhishandsandliftingitsothatthepigcouldeatapplesfromanappletree.ThecitymansaidtothefarmerIseethatyourpiglikesapplesbutisntthatquiteawasteoftimeThefarmerreplied/*Whatstimetoapig.”ThebraveheartAmillionairecalledonallthebachelorsinthecitytohishomeandtakethemtoabigpoolwherelivedsomecrocodilesvIwanttofindabraveheartletmeseewhodaretojumpintothispoolandswimtotheothersidehewillbemyson-in-lowgetallmyfortuneandmybeautifuldaughter.Sex!ButEverymanlookedateachotherwithapaleandredface.Nonedare.Suddenlywitha“PUTON”abachelorjumpedintothewaterGod!Heswamtowardstheothersideatacrazyspeed!Andattheverylightingspeedhetouchedthesideandclimbedonwithoutevenawakingthecrocodiles!Themillionairegoesaheadandholdshishand:Congratulations!Whatabraveheart!IsupposeUwanttomydaughtersomuch!“Notatall!ntheguycried“Ijustwanttoknowwhosonofabitchpushedmeintothepoorjustnow!!”。