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如何发掘真实的自我这无关年龄How todiscover yourauthentic self-at anyageIn atalk packedwith wrywisdom,pop culturequeen Bevy Smith shareshard-earned lessonsabout authenticity,confidence,mature successand why,ifyou putin the work,nlife gets greater later/lama late bloomer.In fact,a friendofmine you may have heard of--Chris Rock-he oncecalled methe most在充满讽刺智慧的演讲中,流行文化late-blooming mofohed evermet.女王贝维•史密斯分享了关于真实性、信心、成熟、成BevySmith功以及为什么投入到工作中会让“生活越来越美好”的来之不易的经验lama latebloomer.In fact,a friendof mineyou mayhaveheardof--我Chris Rock--he oncecalled methe mostlate-blooming mofohed evermet.是一个晚熟的人事实上,我的一个朋友,你们可能听说过——克里斯•洛克他曾说我是他见过最晚熟的家伙Chris Rock——Now,some peoplemight considerthat snide,but Irevel init.Tm55,and Pmhere in thiscurvy bodyas someone who hasdone thework,lived thelife walked现在,有些人可能觉得那是嘲讽,但the walkin thesevery high heels--我却乐在其中我岁了,我努力保持着好身材,还穿着非常55高跟的高跟鞋去工作、生活和走路要知道,我只是——在我梦想中的画面,我想逃离“小贱贱贝维”,我想摆脱棕色所以在我电影版本似的生活里,我一辞掉工作,就成了一个瑜伽达人我非常柔软,也非常开心仔细想想,朋友们,我现在实际上也很柔软,很开心但我可能在撒谎——我相信在演讲上撒谎是TED违反国际法的——so Pm not going to do that.And asa matter of fact,myinsecurities poppedback up as lateas lastyear.I wasminding mybusmess,asone does,perusmg social media,and Isaw peopleexcelling ina spacewhere Lyou know,traditionally hada lot of success.So Imlooking atit and Im like,“Well,why thehell theyaint call me fbrthat job”And I have this,like,angst,and thenI realizethey didntcallmefor thatjob because you alreadysaid youdidnt want thatjob.You toldthe universeyou werentinto workinglike that.所以我不会那样做事实上,我的You dontwant ajob--1really dont不安感早在去年就出现了,我在专心于我的生意,在仔细阅读社交媒体时,我看到人们在一个我曾经取得过很多成就的领域中表现出色然后我看着它就会想,“好吧,他们为什么不找我?”我会有这种焦虑,然后我意识到他们没有找我是因为你已经说过你不想要那份工作了你已经告诉全世界你不想再做那份工作了,你不想要的一份工作——我真的不想Pmnotinto it.So...thaf swhy ithappened.And what I realizeis thatintellectuallyI hadgrown andevolved,but emotionally…I wasTom Pettyand I我不感兴趣因此……所以才会这样was livingin PetticoatJunction.”我意识到我在思想上有了成长和进步,但是在感性上我就是汤姆……•佩蒂我一直活在电视剧《》的世界Tom Petty,Petticoat JunctionItold yallthat browndoesnt look good onme;petty lookseven worse.Its notmyshade.And sowhatIwound uphavmg to do was really geta grip.I had toassess afew thingsabout myself,and I decided to do alittle self-help ritualcalled…Take a note,give a note.Its easy.When yousee someonehavingsomething thatyou believeyou deserve,you takeanote.You askyourself afewquestions.Is itsomething thatyou reallywant Perhapsthat personis bettersuitedthan you are for that.Does theuniverse--is theuniverse conspiringforyou tohave thatReally kindof tryand behonest withwho youare andwhere一我告诉过你们棕色youre atin life.Once youdothat,you takea deepbreath不适合我;琐碎的棕色看起来更糟糕这个颜色不适合我,所以我不得不做的是控制自己我不得不对自己的一些事情进行评估,我决定做一个小小的自助仪式,叫做……“写下笔记,给予笔记”这很简单当你看到某人拥有你觉得是自己应得的东西时,你就写下来你问自己几个问题这是你真正想要的吗?或许那个人比你更合适世界是否——世界会暗中帮你拥有它吗?真的试着诚实地面对你是谁,你在生活中处于什么位置一旦你这样做了,你深呼吸一and yousay,Their wmshave nothingtodowith myworthiness.^And thenyoure readyto giveanote.You goon socialmedia,and yousay congratulations.Or mypersonal favorite,you pickupthe phone,like itsthe20th century,and yousay,Congratulations,kudos,you did that,Al!You go,girl!”You doallthe things.Instantly youfeel like a betterhuman bemgbecauseyou have actually extendedgrace.Youve extendedgrace.Youveextended graceto someoneelse.And I believe thatwhen youremovemalice fromyour heart,not onlydo youfeel better,you lookbetter.I thinkyou loseyour frownlines andyour wrinkleslessen andyourage spotsdisappear.I believe its betterthan Botox,extendinggrace.I do.你说,“他们的胜利与我的价值无关”然后你就准备好给予笔记你回到社交媒体,去说祝贺或者我个人最喜欢的是,你拿起电话,就像是在世纪那样,然后你说,“祝贺你,20恭喜你,你做到了,艾尔!你太赞了吧,姑娘!”做了这些事情,你马上就能感受到自己是一个更好的人,因为实际上你已经变得更加有风度你自身更加有风度了,你对待其他人也更加有风度To了而且我相信当你把怨恨从心里抹去后,你不仅会感到更好,你看起来也会更好我认为当你不再眉头紧锁时,你的皱纹会变少、老年斑会消失我相信提高风度所带来的效果比保妥适除皱针更好我真的相信O Yeah.No,but letme getback tothe notething.So oneof myfavorite notesis fromWillieShakespeare.To thineown selfbetrue.Now weveall readself-helpbooks,and thefirst lineof defenseis alwaysBe yourmost authenticself And Ibelieve inthat.Ibelieve that nobodycan beyou butyou,so youmight aswellshow upand showout But heres thequandary that the bardnever putforth.Whatif youdont reallyknow whoyouarebecause yousuppressed yourinner selfYouve suppressed thecore ofyou.Youvesuppressedthe bestparts ofyoubecause youtook onthese otheridentities andthese personasin aneffort to makeyour lifebetter.Because,you know,we allbuy intosome thingsabout whatwere supposed to be doingand whoweresupposedto be.So whatif yousquelchthat Because I knowI hadto excavateto digupaLittle BrownBevy.But thewayI foundher waswith threequestions.Who amI atmy coreHow amI beingperceivedHow wouldHike to be perceived是的但是让我回到笔记的事情上我最喜欢的名言之一是威利•莎士比亚说的“忠于你自己”现在我们都读过自助类书籍,第一条提议永远是“做最真实的自己”我相信这一点我相信,除了你自己,没有人能够成为你,所以你不妨试着去做一下但是诗人莎士比亚从未解答一个困惑如果你因为压抑了内心的自己而不能真正了解自己该怎么办?你压抑了自己的核心你压抑了自己最好的部分,为了让自己的生活更好,你扮演了其他的身份和角色因为,我们都相信我们应该做什么,我们应该成为什么样的人但如果你压制了它会怎样呢?因为我知道我必须发掘才能发现我内心的“小棕色的贝维”但我通过三个问题找到了她我的内心是谁?我的感受是怎样的?感受到了我会怎么样呢?Who amI atmy coreAt mycore Imlooking toauthentically connectwithpeople.I dontlikeacursory,you know,interaction,and I do not believe innetworking.I likean authenticconnection.Tm alsocurious and Im adventurousandTm kindand Ivegot bigdreams.我的内心是谁?在我的内心深处,我希望与人真诚沟通我不喜欢草率的交流,我也不相信网络我喜欢真实的连接我也很好奇、喜欢冒险、很善良,还有远大的梦想How amI bemgperceived Well,yall knowthe nickname,Bitchy Bevy...so,duh.But heresthe problem.Theres a lotofpower inthat persona,and I actuallyreally enjoyedit fora time,you know,becauseyoucan makealotof moneybeinga bitch,especially infashion.我的感受是怎样的?好吧,你们都知道这个绰号,“小贱贱贝维”……因此,哒但是问题来了这个角色有很大的力量,我真的很喜欢它,要知道,因为当一个“小贱人”可以赚很多钱,尤其是在时尚界But itsalso incrediblylonely andisolating,and Ididntwant to livethat lifeanymore.And soIdecidedto changemy life.And Ileft all of thatalone.I reallydid,like,just changemy spirit.And leavingfashion obviouslyhelped.And whenIdidthat,allof a sudden,I letLittle BrownBevy outto play.但它也会让人感到极其孤独无助,我不想再过那样的生活了所以我决定改变我的生活,我放弃了一切我真的做到了,我改变了我的精神离开时尚界显然是有帮助的当我这样做的时候,突然,我释放出了“小棕色的贝维”Little BrownBevy.I loveher somuch.Little BrownBevy isa nerdygirl,and soIlet mynerdy pursuitscome outto play.I musthave joinedevery museumonMuseum Milein NewYork City.I beganto travelthe worldjust tolook atarchitectureI hadalways dreamedof.I learnedhow tobe alonewithout beinglonely.My spiritshifted.I becamea better person.You canask people-Ibecame abetterperson.“小棕色的贝维”,我非常爱她她是一个书呆子女孩,所以我把我的书呆子放出来玩我想自己已经参观过纽约市博物馆大道上的所有博物馆了我开始周游世界,只是为了看看我一直梦想的建筑我学会了如何独处而不孤独,我的精神改变了我变成了一个更好的人你可以问别人——我变成了一个更好的人And nowI getto standhereinfront ofyou guyswith nobravado,with nothingtoprove,I tell you,with nothingto prove.Tm nottrying toprove nothingto yall.我现在敢站在你们的面前,这样说,没有虚张声势,没有什么好证明的,我告诉你们,没有什么好证明的我不想向你们证明什么Thank you.Ihavean openheart.And Icant evenbelievethatLittle BrownBevy from150thStreet andEighth Avenue,from thehamlet ofHarlem,is nowan award-winningradio andTV host,an author,an actress,a creativeconsultant.I woulddo allthosethings forfree.Butheresthe thing.I aintcheap,and Imdefinitely notfree,so dontget anyideas.我有一个开放的心态我甚至不敢相信来自哈莱姆的一个小村庄里第八大道、第街的“小棕色的贝维现在是一个获奖的150电台和电视主持人,一个作家,一个演员,一个创意顾问我愿意免费做所有这些事情但问题是我不便宜,我肯定也不会免费,所以不要有任何想法But I am herein this“Mama I made itmoment assomeone whocan show up ashermost Bevyest self becauseFve donethework.Yeah,my mostBevyestself.一So,you know,Tm goingto showup--some ofyouve metme you know Imvibrantand boisterous,AKA loud.OK,you knowthat Pmgoingtoshowup,andIve got a pepin myhighheel,red-bottom step.Idohave heavingcleavage.但在这个“妈妈,我成功了”的时刻,我能够展现出最贝维的一面,因为我已经做到了是的,我最贝维的自己所以,你知道,我想要被关注——你们中的一些人已经见过我了一—你们知道我充满活力又吵闹,是个大嗓门好吧,你们知道我会出现,高跟鞋、红毯会给我带来活力我的确有很深的乳沟And Ivegotatell-it-like-it-is approachto lifethats alwaysdosed with a ladleoflove.我对生活的态度就是直言不讳,这种态度掺杂着爱意It tookme55years to get here.So,Chris Rock,youre right.Tm a latebloomer.And thatsOK.Because Imright ontime,Because itgetsgreaterlater.我花了年才走到了这里所以,克里斯洛克,你是对的我55・是一个晚熟的人,但没关系因为这就是我人生的时间表,因为以后会变得更好Thank you.谢谢!and thereforeis qualifiedto testifyin thechurch andin thecourt oflaw thatitdoes,in fact,get greaterlater.才得以获得在教堂和法庭上作证的资格事实上,自此以后一切都在变得更好Now comingto thisrealization wasnteasy.At the age of38,1was a verysuccessful fashionadvertising executive,and I wasreallyliving whatmostpeople considereda dreamlife.I wasjet-setting tofashion shows;I wasreceivingfree designerclothes;I wasdouble-kissing myway acrossthe globe.意识到这一点并非易事在我岁的时候,我是一名非常成功的38时尚广告主管,我真的过着对大多数人来说是梦想中的生活我不停地私人飞机参加时装秀;我不停地收到免费的名牌服饰;我在环游世界的路上不停地亲吻别人脸颊Iwas.And,you know,it waseverythmg that I everwanted ittobe,and thenoneday Irealized Iwas onlypretending tobe happy.But I couldnt blowup mygoodlife in my primeearning years,right Wrong.Which leadsme tolessons mymotherLolly taughtme.真的你知道,这就是我想要的一切,然后有一天我意识到,我只是在假装开心,但我不能在我收入最好的时候毁掉我的美好生活,对吧?不对这让我想起了我妈妈洛莉对我的教导Lollys numberonelesson:dont settle.Dont settle.Now Tm aware thatmy well-paying,glamorous careeris notexactly thehumdrum,UI hatemy jobstereotype thatmostpeople equatewith settling.But it was asettle forme,because whenIactually didquit myjob atthe age of38,it waswith theintention thatevery daybea greatadventure.Now sometimesit was averyscary adventure,like bemgbrokefrom the age of40to
45.But evenstill,I wouldnttrade thatfbr thesafeand settledversion,because ifI had,I wouldnotbehere withyall today.洛莉的第一课不要妥协不要妥协现在我意识到,我的高薪、光鲜亮丽的工作给我的感觉,并不像大多数人认为的那样,在安定后产生的乏味感——那种“我讨厌工作”这种刻板印象但它对我来说是一种妥协,因为当我真的在岁辞掉工作时,我的预38想是每天都将是一次伟大的冒险但有时它会是非常可怕的冒险,就像在岁到岁时破了4045产但即便如此,我也没有死守安稳的生活,因为如果我那样做了,我今天就不会站在这里了Yeah.So you know howwhen youlike,buck thesystem andgo againstthe statusquo,it makespeople reallyuncomfortable Andinvariably,people willask,是的所以你知道,当你对体制产生不“Where doyou getyour confidence”满,不安于现状,会让人们感觉很不舒服吗?无一例外,他们总是会问,你哪儿来的自信?“”有些人Now somepeople meanit asa compliment,but veryoften ifsshady...认为这是一种恭维,但很多时候不一定是……and itsa silentjudgment.And tothose people,I respondwithaquote fromthis Brooklynpoet youmayhave heardJay-Z.这是一种无声的批评对于这些人,用一句你们可能听过的布鲁克林诗人的话Jay-Z“She getit fromher mama.I amshe,and mymama isthe epitomeof agrown-ass woman:someonewhohas alwaysbeen verycomfortable inher skm.In1965,my mom was37years old.She alreadyhad onechild,my bigbrother,Gerry,and shemarried mydad,but shekept hermaiden name.And thenshe hadmysister Stephanieand Iback-to-back,but shecontmued towork becausesherefused tobe beholdento mydad formoney.And Ibet my momwasthe onlywomanin ourneighborhood whocooked oncea week.She madeSunday dinner.It wasan extravaganza,but thatsall shedid.She cookedone daya week.“她从她妈妈那里学来的”我就是诗中的“她”,而我妈妈是一个成熟女性的缩影她总是对自己特别自信的一个人年,我妈妈岁她已经有了一个孩子,我的大哥,格里,196537之后她嫁给了我的爸爸,但她保留了她的娘家姓然后她接连生下了我的姐姐斯蒂芬妮和我,但她还坚持工作,因为她拒绝在金钱上完全依赖我的父亲我敢打赌,我妈妈是我们街区唯一一个,每周只做一次饭的女人她只做周日晚餐那是一顿盛宴,但她也就只做那一顿她每周只在那一天里做饭,My momis justamazing.And shealso hadthis abilityof talkingto herchildrenabout reallife andmaking surethat weunderstood thevirtues ofgoing yourownway,which iswhy Ibelieve todayattheageof94,and arecent widow,my momisstill carvingout waysto findand determineand defineher ownversionofhappmess.She cooksfbr herself.She maintamsher homeexactly asshe sees我的妈妈太赞了她也有能力fit Sheenjoys champagneand R-rated films.和她的孩子谈论真实的生活,并确保我们理解走自己的路是好的,这就是为什么我相信我那位如今已岁高龄,且刚失去丈夫的妈妈,依然在刻94苦钻研方法去寻找、确定和定义属于自己的幸福她给自己做饭她完全按照她认为合适的方式来打理她的家,她喜欢香槟和级影片RMy momhas managedto maintainher glamour,her sexappeal,youknow,hermdependence.And Ireally hopesome ofthat rubsoff onme.我妈妈成功地保持了她的魅力、她的性感,和她的独立我真的希望这能影响到我You know,recently Ivebeen thirikingabout oneof thebest lessonsthat mymomever taughtme,which isthe literalbeauty inaging.Now,we allknow thatBlack dont crack,right OK...Blackdontcrack.So attheageof50,my momcouldhave easilypassed fortheageof
35.And youknow,thats backduring thetimewhen people-women werereally coyabout theirage.“Oh,a ladynevertells herage5My momnever subscribedto that.She wasalways proudof herage.As amatteroffact,she believesyoumaynot tellyour age,but yourhandsand yourneck will.最近我一直在思考我妈妈教给我的最好的一课,那就是字面上的衰老之美现在,我们都知道黑人不显老,对吧?好吧……黑人是不显老所以在我妈妈岁的时候,她很容易被误以为是5035岁你们知道,在这个年龄段当人们——女性会避而不谈她们的年龄“噢,一位女士永远不会透露她自己的年龄我妈妈从来都不认同这个观点她总是为自己的年龄感到骄傲事实上,她认为就算你不说你的年龄,但你的手和脖子会So makepeace withaging,or preparefor anentire wardrobeof glovesandturtlenecks.所以接受衰老吧,或者准备好一整柜的手套和高领衣服Yeah,mymomhas alwaysdone thesewonderful thingslike that,but I wish shecouldrub offon everyonebecause Ifeel likenow Imlooking ateven20-somethings whohaveafear ofaging.I watchthem onsocialmedia,like,youknow,compulsively practicingthe latest1O-second dancecraze,and itfeels liketheirangsty andasking,Is thatall there is”AndI just wantto yell,“Yes,that isall thereisif allyoure goingtodois settlefor dancingto someoneelses TikTok是的,我妈妈总是做这种奇妙的事情,但我希望她能够感染每一个beat!”人,因为我觉得,现在我看到,甚至多岁的人都害怕变老比如,我20在社交媒体上看到她们强迫自己学会最流行的秒钟的舞蹈,感觉她们10像是在焦虑地问,只有这些吗?我只想大喊,是的,如果你只满足于““跟着别人的抖音节拍跳舞,那就只有这些了!”Settlmg isvery insidious.It keepsus dancmgon thisstring,waitmg forthiselusive,better dayto miraculouslyappear.Now thanksto Lollystutelage,thatsnot mystory.In fact,I takeeach dayas itcomes but I trytomakeit betterthanthe last.妥协往往时不知不觉的它使我们在这根弦上跳舞,并等待着难得的、更好的日子奇迹般地出现多亏了洛莉的指导,那不是我的故事事实上,我会过好每一天,而且我会努力把每一天过得比昨天更好我是单身……但So,youknow,Tm single...but Tm always readyto mingle.我一直在为交往做准备Pm anentrepreneur,butIkeep multiplerevenue streams.Tmasolo traveler,which meansFve donethe sepiaversion ofEat,Pray,Love onsix continents.BecauseI dont settle.What thatmeans isthat1also dontsecond-guess mydecisions,and Imalso notworried about my futurebecause Fmfirmly rootedinthe present.Settlmg isa reallysinister thing.It willkeep youup atnight tossmgandturning,trying tofigure outwhy andhying toanswer thatage-old questionofIs thatallthereis Personally,Idonthave timeforthat,because theonly timeIwanttobe keptup allnight longtossing andturning iswhen Tmin thecompanyofafine-ass man.我是一个企业家,但我有多种收入来源我是一个独自旅行的人,这意味着我已经在六大洲完成了“美食、祈祷、恋爱”的旅程,因为我不甘妥协这意味着我也不会在事后评价我的决定,并且我也不会为我的未来担忧,因为我会坚定地活在当下安定下来真的是一件灾难性的事情它会让你夜不能寐,辗转反侧试图找出原因,并试图回答那个古老的问题“只能如此了吗?”就我而言,我没有时间去想这些,因为唯一一次让我整夜辗转反侧的还是我在公司里遇见一个翘臀男士的时候Thats it.就那一次IwishIcouldtellyouguys thatI learnedall thesevaluable lessons from Lollyandthey wereinstilled inme anditwasgreat,but alas,Iamalatebloomer inallregards.So Ihadtolearn a couple oflessonsfromthe eraof Bitchy Bevy.Whatkind ofperson has10assistants infive yearsBitchyBevy,thafs who.我希望我能够告诉你们我从洛莉那里学到的所有的宝贵经验,它们被灌输给了我,这样很好,但是,我在各方面都是一个晚熟的人所以我不得不从“小贱贱的贝维”时代吸取一些教训什么样的人会在年内换个助手?“小贱贱510贝维”,就是我Now Ididnt startoutmy career witha toxicattitude.No,initially Iwas reallyhappytobein thefashion industry.You know,but thenI beganto comparemytrajectory toothers,andI also beganto feelburned outbecause Iwas burdenedbythese personasthatIhad createdthat wereallegedly goingto helpmeprogress inmycareer.Imadeacoupleof mistakes.One,I thoughtthat beingsnarkywasagood careermove.It wasntIalsothought Ilookgoodin the colorbrown.Iactuallydont.我不会以一种有害的态度来开启我的职业生涯不,刚开始我真的很高兴能在时尚界工作但后来我开始将自己的职业生涯和其他人的进行比较,我也开始感到精疲力尽,因为我被自己想象出来的貌似有助于我在职业生涯中进步的角色所苦恼我犯了几个错误第一,我认为说风凉话会有助于职业发展,其实它不是我也认为我穿棕色比较好看,其实我错了And,youknow,Ijust--inmydream montage,I wantedto getaway fromBitchyBevy.I wantedtogetaway fromthecolorbrown.And soin themovie versionofmy life,as soonas Iquit myjob,Tmayoga guru.Tm extremelylimber andveryhappy.Come tothink ofit though,guys,Tm actuallylimber andhappy rightnow.But Iwould belying-andIbelieveitis againstinternational lawto lieduring a一TED Talk。